The Effect of Complaining

How it affects you
You may remember from previous newsletters that it's important to focus on what you want to happen (not what you don't want / don't have.) Complaining focuses on the things that you don't want! This leads to more things that you don't want showing up in your life.

Why people complain

• Misery loves company and it also looks for validation from it.
• Low self esteem part I - they want to criticise others to make themselves feel superior. It's like bragging - I'm better than 'x'.
• Low self esteem part II - we complain to make ourselves appear more discriminating - i.e. this food is not up to my high standards etc.
• It becomes a competitive sport for sympathy and attention - i.e. 'You think that's bad, well I.." It's also about having an excuse for not having something you want, which is a victim mentality. We complain to get ourselves out of things and avoid taking risks.
• Complaining is safe - it's a low level of energy and is not threatening to anyone; it doesn't call on them to take any risky action. Instead it puts up barriers that keep them safe in their comfort zone and justify their lack of action.

Self esteem and complaining

You'll notice that a few of the reasons above are linked to low self esteem. People often complain to avoid taking action because deep down they doubt their ability to succeed. Anything you desire you deserve. Stop complaining and start moving towards your dreams.

Action step

Look out for times when you are tempted to complain. Rather than complaining, look for a solution or choose not to express your complaint out loud. This doesn't mean you can't improve things. If your food is cold, then it's ok to ask the waiter to heat it up. Just don't add in the adjectives about how this is terrible etc. They don't help your cause.